The Edmonds - My Canadian Family

I started blogging a few years ago as a way to record my ideas and thoughts on different topics, events or people in my life. Needless to say, I am giving the 60-year-old version of me something to look back to by documenting my life and thoughts at a given point in time(Fingers crossed I actually get to be 60). 

Throughout life, I have crossed paths with great individuals that inspired me with their ideas or how they lived their lives. Over the last 10 or so years, Jack R. Edmonds has been one of them. Although he is unaware of this as we haven't had an official mentor-mentee relationship, Jack has been a joy to talk to and has contributed a lot towards my view of the world. He is a down to earth retired professor. I have been planning to blog about him and his African art for a while now. But first let me introduce you to all the Edmonds, my Canadian family.

right to left:Athena, Alex, Jack, Kathie

How We Met

I befriended Alex when I was living on residence in my first year of university. I then met Jack and the rests of the Edmonds through Alex. Alex and I lived in the same residence, Whitney Hall. We had a common room for casual hang-out when not in class. It had a piano and nice couches. One evening, I passed by the common room while heading to my room and heard the sound of an African drum. Out of curiosity and being African, I peeped to see where the sound came from. I found Alex and Athena playing the drums, I proceeded to ask the obvious questions, how they became good drummers and where they got their African drums from - this side of the Atlantic. We conversed for a couple minutes. 

A new friendship had started. We would later often run into each other in the hallways and in the dining hall. At the end of the semester, Alex invited me to the family Christmas/Holiday dinner. There I met Jack, his dad, Kathie and Laura, mom and sister respectively.

Gifts opening

From there on, I have been a familiar face in the Edmonds house. I have since been invited back to everything from birthday celebrations to holiday dinners and everything in between.

Alex and I after Afrofest

Over the last 9 or so years, I have grown a lot as a person. I have learned a great deal from the Edmonds. This is from either quietly observing how they interact with each other or from engaging them in honest discussions on different topics, ranging from politics to social issues. I have also had a front seat view of western family ties through observing how they talk and treat each other. I see a visible sense of harmony that seems to come from  the semi-autonomous nature of their relationships. This semi-independent structural set up of relationships ensures everyone is free to do what want with their lives but still have a family to fall back to when they need it. Relationships therefore develop organically through mutual respect and interest from different parties. There is no family pressure. I see a contrast with standard sub-saharan African family structure where love and support is dependent on someone doing what family expects of them. This culture of family dictating what one does with their lives is waning as modernity and urbanization breaks up families geographically. Family ties are susceptible to breakdowns when someone takes a different direction from what the family demands of them. This could be marriage partners or career goals. Kids often limit their life choices to cope with family pressure to do certain things over others. Once again, I am not an expert so take these with a pinch of salt. These are my unsolicited opinions.   

African Art

Maybe what connects me the most with the Edmonds is our interest in African art and culture. I must say upfront that I am not the most knowledgeable person in the world when it comes to African art or music, but I have great respect for the many ways Sub-Saharan African communities express their artistic identity. I enjoy seeing people showing interest in this type of culturally epithets

The Edmonds have a diverse collection of traditional African art. A very large collection. I was amazed when I first visited their home. From asking questions on each piece, I learned more about art as a whole. My exposure to traditional art was limited before then. They even have a section of their home library dedicated to books on African art, history and culture. 

Their interest and understanding of African art and culture warmed my heart from the first day. This understanding extends to nuances between regional and tribal art or music. My Christmas gift was a set of CDs of traditional Sub-Saharan African music. On and we watched black Orpheus on my first night in the Edmonds' house. I didn't know much about the  underlying Greek legend story but the themes in the movie and the characters were relevant to me. This movie choice suggested a remarkable socio-cultural awareness from the Edmonds. I sensed a need to not make me feel out of place. Meeting people that understood Africa was a very welcomed discovery to me because the average North American knows little about Africa, if any. In fact, a big chunk of the population assume Africa is a country. A lot more know Sub Saharan Africa only as a safari jungle populated with poverty stricken natives - nothing interesting to see. From my observation this limited attention to Africa stems from Africa's relatively little technological advancement. A patronizing attitude towards Africa is also propagated by the numerous NGO adds showing needy African children in sympathy-inducing conditions. Overall condescending Western Media coverage of Africa doesn't help as well. So with this prevailing general negative attitudes, I am happy when I find people that understand and appreciate African art and music. They surely understand there is a lot more to live than driving fansy cars and own 100 inch TVs (do those exist?). The average poor third world resident isn't depressed about their relative lack of material things. Wealthy is relative. I have seen many people satisfied with their lifes if even if they are far from rich. If anything, social standing, dignity and having a sense of belonging in one's social group count more than the amount of widgets someone owns. 

Being a born and raised African, the window through which I view Africa is different from that of a North American. It is a massive continent with vibrant cultures and many stories - good and bad. There are stories on poverty but there are also stories of progress. I studied African history taught by African teachers. I therefore view Africa from an Afrocentric point of view in relation to the rest of the world. This general understanding of sub-Saharan Africa makes me content, if not proud, of what Africa has to offer. I therefore liked the Edmonds for their interest in African.
  

  

             

Jack R. Edmonds - Godfather
There are a few people in the world that I feel free to speak my mind around. Jack is one of them. Jack gained my trust from the very start. Like average humans, I like people who like me and ignore people who show indifference towards me. When we first met, I introduced myself to Jack as John as I always do with people who don't share my culture. Jack wasn't satisfied. He wanted more. He asked for a name that my parents use. I said my full family name and the meaning of each one. This indicated to me that Jack wasn't interested in a superficial relationship where he only knew me by one generic name and nothing more. He wanted a deeper understanding of who I was as a person, my identity and culture. From there on wards, we would discuss life and related topics. Even views on politics, mostly related to Africa and the world. Jack showed a lot of interest in my well being and how I was coping with culture shock in Canada. He understood that I needed strong social ties to be happy and grow as a person here. He was keen to see me get into a relationship and always ask if I am seeing anyone. Unfortunately I haven't heard so much success in the dating department so there is always little to report about my dating life. At one point during one of Alex's birthday celebrations, he talked one of the girls in attendance into dating me. This gesture touched me a lot. Although unsuccessful, it really revealed he was a man that had my best interests in mind and was looking out for my social well being. I don't trust people enough to share personal struggles or wins like I do with the Edmonds. He clearly understood that in order for me to really feel like I belong here, I needed strong social relationships, love being one of them.

I have gone on to learn a lot from him, directly and indirectly. It is well understood that students learn more from teachers they like and respect and feel closer to. They tend to focus more and like the material associated with the teacher. This applies to my relationship with Jack. There are a few qualities that make Jack an interesting person to talk to:

Authenticity and Integrity
Jack is the type of person who doesn't shy away from sharing his true opinions even if the topic at hand is controversial. No subject is off the table with Jack. I am not very fond of political correctness so I connect with Jack really well. It is very rare to meet such kind of a person in our increasingly liberal and superficial world. It is easier for me to build trust with someone if I know where they stand on things, if I can gauge their true opinions on issues. At work and school, I have observed 2 value systems. What people and institutions project to the world and what they really think and is reflected by their actions. More people need to be honest in their interactions. Superficial kindness is a big turnoff as it is a waste of every body's time.  

Consistensy, Interest & Enthusiasm
I, like the average Joe, loves it when people care about what I think. But don't we all like mentors who listen to our stories and take our ideas into consideration? Jack is down to earth in this regard and solicits your thoughts on things and why you think the way you do. I am a fairly introverted person so I keep to myself most of the time. Jack is one of a few people I give a warm embrace. His energy and enthusiasm are contagious, at least towards me. His sincere interest in me and my culture enables me to open up and share my world views without holding back. I am usually careful with my words around people tend to tell me what they think I need hear. This is not the case with Jack. Jack's beliefs are reflected in his interactions. At school and at work, I have met people whose opinions change according to who they are talking to. They will customize their answers to align with your own thoughts and views. I find it hard opening up to such people since I am vulnerable to manipulation. This people pass for 'kind' and 'nice' most of the time because they project an image and say things they don't necessarily believe in. Coming from a culture where people say what they really think and do what they say, I learned very early on after moving to Toronto that friendly people aren't necessarily your friends. I am not an overly negative person, but I have picked up an healthy amount of cynicism over the years and became very cautious when talking and dealing with people from all walks of life.I admire Jack's consistency. His opinions and personal brand are reiterated over and over again in his daily life. I have a good sense of what Jack's belief system and can predict what his opinion on an issue will be before he says it. An example of of Jack's interesting take is that Kim Jong Un is a good leader. He has his people's best interest in mind and stock piling nuclear weapons without using them is tactically good for North Korea. Having some kind physical or economic power is necessary to sit on the big table with the big boys discussing global treaties. As an African, this is a great observation. I can see the world with Western eyes and also see things from a third world point of view. The key thing at play here is power. You need a balance of power for sustainable peace and stability. Every form of governance has its pros and cons and western way of bundling non democratic countries together as pure evil is problematic. Whoever has more power gets to set what is morally acceptable. It is therefore good to have the power to administer justice. Begging for justice from a stronger opponent is futile as Martin Luther King jr realized in his famous rhetoric, a Letter from a Birmingham Jail. I am a big fan of the incentive system, when it comes to controlling human behavior. People won't do the right when you have no stick to punish them with or a carrot for reward.  


More pictures